There are times when I am in the verge of giving up because all of my efforts are going to waste. No matter how many times I tried to push everything towards to my goal, I still end up failing. But this day, a question from a good friend hit me most.
“What is your motivation when you are studying?”
I would sound like a hypocrite when I answer my parents because currently 75% of my entity is just all about myself on how to pass this course. Which I guess a wrong thing because it is like I am only working for money. I really want to be inspired by my goals like putting up a foundation for the less fortunate people but when Medicine gets shaky, I panic and get loss on my real purpose in life. Most especially that I recently had a failing score from my two previous exams and even quizzes.
I am writing this because I am really disappointed on what happened. I studied. Read the chapters and even took note of it. But still, I didn’t pass.
You know how can emotions stir up your thoughts and subconsciously, it can put you down to depression.
But I remember what Dory told Marlin when he was looking for his son, Nemo. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. So, I am not going to give up
(though I really want to give up and shift to other field) because I have to be strong and I should keep moving forward.
The failed scores shall be considered as my stepping stone, my first gear and my staring point to push harder on my studies. You know, the first cut is the deepest and eventually I will get used with this feeling. I hope and pray that I could pass this third phase of Med School.
So what is my motivation when I am studying? I still have to figure it out.