Ever since I was a kid, I was afraid of failure but I always commit mistakes. Not only in school but also in making decisions in life. I feel like my parents have planted the fear within in me when committing the failure because they expect too much on me. I was trained to be have that “good girl” attitude and image. I was taught the proper way of eating, walking, standing and even cleaning. All the good things were set on the table and it made me feel that there should be no room for mistakes. When it comes to studies, I was in an honor roll not until highschool. That was one thing that made me think I was a failure, a disappointment because I was not in the section alpha. Every year of my highschool, the fear of failing is inflicted in my mind and in my heart which caused me depression and emotional stress. And so on the feeling of disappointment remains in me until college and even in MedSchool.
At the very moment, I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. I failed. I failed. It keeps repeating in my head since the day that I was told that I am going to take a removal exam. I know I am over acting about it but in my shoes, the feeling is depressing.
I am still in the phase where I look for some reasons behind it. Though I have answers from my questions, it won’t eliminate about how I feel right now. I am challenging my self to face this with courage and with determination to make it through the year.
This shall pass.